Good Things Come

I am in the middle of a rigorous program right now, I have some big changes coming up, and I have some tough conversations panned for this week. I spent much of the late evening with my stomach in knots, trying to figure out how I was going to survive it all. I read, I wrote, I prayed, I drank a ton of water, and I talk to a friend who was having a rough day. Then this song popped into my head.

I heard it at a BYU Songwriter's Showcase once, and I loved it so I memorized it. I didn't write it, no idea who did write it, but it seemed very applicable to calming my fears. The fear isn't totally gone, but the song did help, a lot. No matter what happens, I am going to be fine. I can handle hurt and pain and stress. It's just going to pass through, and we'l move on to other things.

"The Journey In Between" (I think that's the title, anyway)
Standing at the edge, just trying to decide if you're
about to find, among the brush, a piece of the puzzle
you think you've been missing. You're just not listening! Stop this struggle.
Count to ten, take a deep breath, look left then right again
head held high, eyes wide--just begin now.

Take a leap of faith. You'll never learn how unless you just stop looking back!
Good things come to those who act--cross the bridge between the future and the past
you'll learn things you never ever knew.
Before you know it, you'll be on the other side, so stop along the way
just to say
from point A to point B, enjoy the journey in between.

I often say to myself-- "Will this get easy?"
Well, life's not meant to be a book left on the shelf.
We're meant to live until it hurts.
We were born to feel! And time will heal--
it's time you learned. We bleed, we cry, we fear--deep sigh.
Hold on, be strong, you're alive!

Take a leap of faith. You'll never learn how unless you just stop looking back!
Good things come to those who act--cross the bridge between the future and the past
you'll learn things you never ever knew.
Before you know it, you'll be on the other side, so stop along the way
just to say
from point A to point B, enjoy the journey in between.

I know you're scared to try-- I feel the pain you feel inside. 

I feel you going out your mind; just cross the bridge to the other side!

But, take your time. 

Take a leap of faith. You'll never learn how unless you just stop looking back!
Good things come to those who act--cross the bridge between the future and the past
you'll learn things you never ever knew.
Before you know it, you'll be on the other side, so stop along the way
just to say
from point A to point B, enjoy the journey in between.
from point A to point B, enjoy the journey in between
Point A and Point B--life's just the journey in between. 

Dietary Restrictions

SO, new diet restrictions were coupled with 5 days of eating nothing but applesauce, plain mashed potatoes, broth, bananas, white toast, crackers, and the occasional canned pear or tablespoon of peanut butter. I had a brief glimpse of savory when I consumed some contraband Chow Mien at Panda Express (because I wanted to spend time with a guy and my cousin and his girlfriend), but that was the whole of it.

I think, however, it is the doctors' way of helping me grateful that I can eat ANY food, rather than being sad about the next month or so without tomato products, dairy, anything fried or highly processed, only lowest fats and low sodium.
To be honest, I don't do a lot of fried or processed foods, anyway, nor do I eat high sugar or high sodium.
I will, however, miss my dairy--cream, milk sauces, butter, and cheeses are a huge part of my food life. Also tomatoes being gone is no fun, because I love tomato.
BUT, in the meantime, this gives me a GREAT opportunity to do the lactose-free and vegan sections of my Specialty Baking program! I've been needing to up my Vegan Cooking game, as well, so this will be a great opportunity to branch out a little.

Wild Mushroom and Sage infused olive oil + air-popped popcorn+sage +slight salt

I'm eating this right now. So yummy.

Climbing Mountains

• 2015; Pre-Assessment
  So when I put this blog together a few years ago, I made a life list of things I wanted to do or to learn (see the original list on the sidebar?) So I've been working on them. The ones in purple are things I've already done, and the ones in red are the things currently in progress that are accomplish-able in the next calendar year (for example, "be debt-free" is not highlighted because, while I am actively working on this goal, currently the plan will not finish out til 2017; "Watch movie in IMAX" is not highlighted because I have no plans for a specific movie at this time). Many of these things have been works in progress for a long time, and I'm excited that this year will see the "finish" of so many things! I have edited the list slightly, taking a more "goal" oriented approach rather than "things that I hope will happen" approach (thus, "get married" is not on the edited list, as that is something that requires the agency of someone else as well). The first part is the whole list, and then after I break down this year's goals with a short description of progress and plans. Then the obligatory inspirational quote.
  
  
  Write a song
• Watch movie in IMax and/or 3D
• Take a chemistry class
• Take a calculus class
• Take a graphic design class
• Swing dance well
• Successfully perform a scat solo
• Run a 5K
• Read the Wheel of Time series
• Read The Screwtape Letters
• Read the Book of Mormon in another language
• Read Dante's Divine Comedy
• Play Ultimate Frisbee
• Play the piano: hymns, jazz
• Play the Harmonica: Bb Blues
• Play the Guitar
• Play French Horn
• Perform "Dress Has Always Been my Strongest Suit," from Aida (or comparable piece) 
• Own a pet dog
• Own a house, with LAND
• Memorize 314 digits of pi
• Manage finances very well
• Make Creme brulee
• Make a blouse
• Learn to Knit
• Learn to cook Indian food
• Learn to cook Chinese food
• Language: Spanish
• Language: Russian
• Language: Italian
• Language: ASL
• Language: Arabic
• Kiss in the rain :-)
• Hike the Y
• Have a picnic in a random spot on campus
• Graduate with a bachelor's degree
• Go to Yellowstone
• Go to Thanksgiving Point Gardens
• Go to New York
• Go to a beach
• Go rock climbing
• Go east of the Mississippi River
• Crochet Professionally
• Graduate from culinary school
• Go to bakery school
• Memorize The Living Christ
• Be debt-free
  
  
  Graduate from Culinary School: WorkingonthatportfolioRIGHTNOWgraduationisFeb7IamSOCLOSE! *breathe* 
• Go to Bakery School: I actually ended up doing Bakery school the same time as Culinary School (same college, totally different program), so, graduation is ALSO on Feb 7! I've also started an advanced bakery technique certification program, focusing on special needs diets. I'll be finishing that program late summer or fall of this year. So excited!!
• Run a 5K: My friend and I just decided to do the Rex Lee 5K at the beginning of March. Early-bird registration ends Jan 31, so we are getting our group together. We go to the gym together frequently, and it's super fun to have a goal, friends who also have goals, and feeling like I can I actually REACH those goals!!
• Read "The Screwtape Letters": I seriously have like 15 pages left. That's for this weekend; gotta finish this portfolio first. 
• Memorize "The Living Christ": I now have the document on audio (Thank you, Gospel Library app!) and will be listening to it as I run inside this week. I listen to audio tracks the way some people listen to music (during workouts or studying). Music registers a different part of my brain, I guess. BUT I memorize really well by hearing things over and over, so it's a good start!
• Play the piano (hymns): My friend is graciously letting me use her piano until I can finish paying for it. I have been blessed with a few guyfriends who are good at fixing things and they are fixing the base so I can set up the piano in a playable place (my front room). Another friend is super good at sight-reading, and is willing to teach/hold me accountable for practicing (which is really the bigger issue). I have the coolest friends.
• Perform a favorite Broadway piece: I modified this goal to make it flexible to perform what I really want to do. I haven't decided what that is, yet, but I've been working on my pitch accuracy, my belt voice, and my stage movement. Right now I'm working Queen's "Somebody to Love," Hairspray's "Big, Blonde, and Beautiful," Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats," and Aida's "Easy As Life." I'm hoping that as I work on this goal, and my racing goal, I will be better able to dance and the two will combine into a "Perform in a Broadway style show" goal. #longtermvision
• Hike the Y: Lived here 7 years, never hiked it. That just needs to happen. 
• Rock Climbing: I've never successfully been rock climbing, even on an indoor wall somewhere. I'm going to focus on my races and graduating and stuff, but I'm working on coaxing my cymbal muscles back into definition. I have to be really careful with my upper body, but by summer/fall I should be ready to go.
• Take a graphic design class: I have always been interested in typography, the psychology of color, and other design topics. Now that I'm putting a website together, it makes a ton of sense to take a class or two. Thanks to Lynda.com, Coursera, Skillshare, and other avenues, this can be my graduation present to myself. 
• Play the French Horn: I got my horn back, so I'm starting back up and getting my embouchure back. I want to be able to play a personal arrangement (piano/horn/etc) of "Come, Come Ye Saints" for the 24th of July celebration this year. 
• Learn to Knit: a friend of mine is teaching me basic knitting stitches, and I've been practicing. I am picking it up pretty fast, but I still don't know how to cast off yet. Or shape things. Or do cool designs. But I'll get there. 
• Memorize 314 digits of Pi: 3.14.15 is THIS YEAR...so...#kairos. I haven't looked at this goal in a while, but I downloaded the Pimorize app this morning, and without any studying or mistakes I got to 85 digits. So, this my year. (3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280...3... something. But I've got 85 down without thinking; 314 will be here before I know it! Yay muscle memory and a 10-key!)
• Language: Arabic: Brushing up my spoken Egyptian Arabic, refreshing vocabulary cards, practicing my handwriting. Ten minutes a day can conquer the world. 
•  So there's my outline for 2015. It feels good to think that I can choose what I want my life to be, and then work on making it happen.
• 
  
  "You don't climb mountains without a team, you don't climb mountains without being fit, you don't climb mountains without being prepared and you don't climb mountains without balancing the risks and rewards. And you never climb a mountain on accident--it has to be intentional."-- Mark Udall

Pictures to Paint 1.4

Songs of Innocence 

My lover smiles and holds me near—
The morning’s wedding vows still new—
He holds me close, and in my ear
He sings me songs of innocence

At first I smile, a fond embrace
As love’s first blossoming unfolds
And then my thoughts begin to race—
I’ve heard this song of innocence

The mem’ries flood, I pull away—
Another’s twisted face I see
When with a touch, oh poisonous day,
He seized my song of innocence

My mind’s eye blinds me to the touch
Of cherish’d lover’s sweet caress
And changes them instead to such
That steal the songs of innocence.

I cannot breathe—I choke, I die
And from my lover’s arms I flee
I wilt; with flaming tears I cry
And mourn my song of innocence.

©Sabina M. Säfsten 2012

Pictures to Paint, 1.3

The Night I Lost the Music

The music, always coming, always flowing

The lifeblood of the soul, forever playing

I lived for keeping, growing, sharing, knowing

all about the gift that’s almost praying.

And then, with one fell dose of Caesar’s illness

I shook, I trembled, foamed, and flailed about—

And when I woke, I noticed first the silence.

The music! gone!—replaced with frightening doubt.

The man in white, with nurses standing by him

Told me the silence might be here a while

And if it ceased, the music still be dimmed—

                     I wept.

I wept, and still, the tears were only water--

no minor chords; melismas all at rest.

Is this how people think and talk together?

With flimsy words and empty sentiment?

My life has been immersed in music study

but more than this; my spirit speaks it clear--

and now that I have only words to pray with

I wonder, Lord, if you can even hear?

writtensometime2008-2009/december2014edit

Note: She had full recovery from the seizure and the music eventually came back.

Pictures to Paint, 1.1&1.2

I do not have a brush,

pencils, paints, or 

Adobe Photoshop. 

But I do have

pictures

to be painted.

.
.
.
Night Routine

When night comes and she starts to sleep
The mask comes off--she cannot keep
her brave face on when conscious mind has slipped away

Her broken body fights for air
Her slumping face shows signs of wear
Her voice, in daylight so controlled
contorts in whimpers, tears my soul

I sit for hours, minutes, days
And silently I count, the way
she taught me to when Child Me was scared.

When consciousness comes back again,
returning her to worlds of men,
Her once bright eyes straining to see--
they flit around, and land on me

As recognition starts to dawn,
she weakly smiles--I fake a yawn
So she doesn't know I was awake to hear her scream.

 "Oh, sorry to wake you up," she says,
But before you head on back to bed,
-------Would you get me a bowl of Cheerios?"



october2013draft/december2014edit

Inspiration

I feel so entirely inspired right now. Driven, passionate, excited about the world. I have the best friends--creative, intelligent, ambitious, hard working, dedicated. I am currently rotating with movers and shakers of the world. And while their dreams are astounding in both magnitude and power, they are DOERS as well. They produce. They draw. They animate. They design. They paint. They build. They program. They write, cook, teach, play, practice, act, farm, compose, run, sew, research, coach, publish, translate, organize--they DO. And in the doing, my world becomes a better place. A more beautiful, more dynamic, richer, fuller place.

Do all of them have a set path, a direction, a firm purpose in life? No. Not at all. But rather than let uncertainty paralyze them, this circle of amazing people take it one step at a time, and MOVE. They do *something*. Some put their roots in family, some in religion, some in belief in humanity. ALL find common ground in the firm hope that the world CAN be a better, and we are the people to bring that about.  Then, they take a step. They write a song, draft an outline, do a workout. They choreograph a dance, learn a language, take a photo, code a program. They clean a room, a routine, a life. All seemingly small things in the grand scale of the universe-- but as the lifetime of a bee contributes but a drop of honey to the hive, so also do these sweet, small tasks come together, gathering momentum, and push the human family into a brighter tomorrow. 

Amani Melissa Missy Jacob Derrick Bryn Jake Jack Jason Jared Dan Rachael Dallin David Kyle Savannah Cecilia Ben Marsha Robert Nathan Clarissa Milly Katie Andon Katie Kristen Kirsten Erin Nick Trevor Amber Alison Annelisse Stephen Kristine Amanda Charla Ruthie Kevin Annie Joey Ashley Morgan Karen Caitlin Jessie Jena Jana Amberly Craig Boston Jimmy Brittany Lizz Casey Jenn Anne Mark Ty Mikey Nick David Evelyn Michelle Pamilla Andrew Lynette Linda Robin Trish Elise Jayne Alyssa Jake Clark Chase
and so many more

--------------------------------------------

http://melportfolio2014.tumblr.com/

http://sprout-kids.com/

http://thehunbun.tumblr.com/

http://www.battalioncorps.org/

http://www.jasonlyleblack.com/

https://www.facebook.com/RealityNotIncludedComic

https://www.facebook.com/RachaelArchondousPhotography

http://www.thelastgatsby.com/

I wish more of them had websites I could put up an brag on their behalf. SO much talent, and most of it isn't up in online portfolios. But, this is a small taste.