More poem!

Looking back through old computer files, I found quite a few poems. Some of them I wrote, some of them I memorized for a class or kept simply because I liked them. Perhaps I will share more of them here. Feel free to comment or give me new topics to write about. Actually, that would be great! More topics to write about!

I think it would be easier to update if I took more pictures. At least, more interesting.

This blog has no focus at all, which makes some sense as I feel like my life has very little focus right now either.

So, I guess for now I will post a poem I wrote, after reading in Isaiah. I really love that book. I wish I understood it better; I need to be more diligent in my study. When I don't have as many things pressing my schedule, I get a little lax in my intensity. I believe the phrase is "growing slothful because of the easiness of the way."

Here it is.

Isaiah’s Christ: Shepherd, Warrior, Judge, and King

A Sestina

Jehovah comes from Edom in his might

One by one, with outstretched arms, He gathers

Those who, with humble hearts, would call him LORD.

He, who earth and hearts hath mulled and weighted,

Assessed the earth’s great waters in his Hand

And tells the cov’nant people to behold--

To lift their eyes on high, and first behold

Then follow Him with heart and mind and might.

Oh, Israel, hath God yet shortened his hand?

Hath He grown tired? Nay, but still He gathers

Sinners’ hearts. The hills Jehovah weighted

With a scale; “The winepress,” saith Christ your LORD,

“I hath trodden alone. I am the LORD;

My crimson robes a victory to behold,

For I looked and, being alone, I weighted

Down the winepress in my fury and might.

Now with tender mercy will I gather

And cover thee in shadow of my hand.”

Yahweh shall hold thee up in His right hand,

That all the nations know I AM your LORD.

The dumb idols burn, Jehovah gathers

Those who would His covenanted be. Hold

fast to Him by whose power and might

is thy salvation, thy judgment weighted.

Your Jeshua with patience hath waited, and

borne all thy sins with the nails in His hands,

That in his latter coming, all earth might

Know that salvation cometh through the LORD.

For when the mighty angel cries “Behold,

A white horse, and He who rides shall gather

His people,” the heaven’s armies gather

Behind Him who with rightness hath weighted

And made war. Look up, oh Israel! Behold

His vesture dipped in blood, His outstretched hands.

He is called King of Kings, and LORD of Lords,

Who comes to thee in power and in might.

Raise your eyes, lift your voice, behold His might,

And blessed be those who wait on the LORD.

The shepherd gathers Israel in His hand.



Sorry the formatting is odd. The last line should be formatted the same as the rest.
A sestina is a pretty strict poetic form. I'd only written one before, back my freshman year, while in a poetry war with one Andon Carling. It was fun, and it turned out to be quite useful.

I love words.

"Sorry! I'm allergic": A Parallel of Food and People

"Sorry! I'm allergic."

So, someone mentioned to me the other day that our relationship to food is a lot like our relationship to people.

As I thought about this, the more it seemed to apply to me.

For those of you that aren't aware, I am allergic to... a lot of things. Basically how it works is, the more I eat of a food, the more my body builds an intolerance to it, which develops into a full-blown allergy. I am naturally VERY allergic to some things, moderately allergic to others, and other foods I just have to keep on a rotation so I don't react to them as much.

Also, I am an aspiring chef.

These things do not blend well.

So, back to the food/people analogy:

--I have rarely met a food I didn't like, or at least appreciate. However, as previously mentioned, there are a lot of foods that don't like me, or at least, that can only handle me every once in a while. That one is pretty self-explanatory.

--I don't often remember what food tastes like. Odd, eh? I remember what it smells like; I remember it is "good," or "odd," or "Blends well with tomato," or "Tastes like the color teal, with a bit of a clarinet-y aftereffect" (not kidding) but I don't often remember exactly what it tastes like. This is good in that I don't get fatigued of a food very quickly--it always seems new and delicious--but I sometimes don't do a good job of rotating food. Therefore, the food gets annoyed at me (allergies flare and cause problems) before I remember to rotate around. Sometimes I wear out friendships in a similar fashion; I love just spending time with people--hanging out yesterday doesn't satisfy me today, with some things. I just remember I liked it yesterday, and why not do it again today? This can cause problems, as people often need to take me in smaller doses.

Cheese is a food that doesn't often bother my system (not like regular milk or other dairy). This is great, as it is usually a pretty safe food for me, but if I eat too much of the same kind, especially consistently over long periods, it starts to get irritated and decides to make me ill. Usually there is very little warning. I just eat it as usual, and then as soon as it hits my tummy I know I crossed the line.

--Sometimes I'm a little wary of trying new things for myself because I don't know how my body will react to it. I will cook with new things and feed it to other people, if I have some experience with the food, or someone who knows it well can describe it accurately. I am, however, very wary of what I actually consume. This applies to people in that I will work with people quite easily, even in things like matchmaking, if I know enough about them. However, I am very careful about who I actually let in as friends.

--Sometimes, I eat food even that I'm really allergic too, because I remember it being my favorite. Take, for example, peanut butter. Or chocolate. Delicious foods, and for much of my life, my allergy to them was minor. I remeber growing up with them--we had great times, peanut butter and I. Chocolate and I, too, for that matter. But as I grew up and developing the allergy, I knew eating them would mess me up. I would convince myself it was worth it, that it wasn't that bad. Sometimes my body wouldn't react at all, but many times I paid heavily for eating them. Same with some people. I remember growing up together and being perfectly fine (or just not realizing I was having a problem). I would continue to include these people in my life even after they messed me up (many times, badly), because I remembered all the good times.
Moral of the story: Sometimes things change. So do people. So do I.

--I often cook for other people. I love putting combinations together and making people happy. Sometimes I can eat it, sometimes I can't. When I can't eat it, I like having cheese and crackers for dinner, or cheese with a little bread and fruit, or--if my allergies are flaring really badly--just cheese. With people, I love throwing parties. I get different groups of people together, combine them in different ways in different environments, and see what happens. Sometimes I like to be part of the party, but oftentimes, I would just prefer to host and let everyone else have fun. And have cheese for dinner.

--I really like making bread, but wheat is one of my top allergies. I understand bread, and how all the ingredients work together to get a particular kind of loaf. I'm not a fan of store-bought, stereotypical bread, though it does have its place in the world. However, I do not know very much about cheese. I know which flavors are my favorite, which ones smell bad, and what they blend best with (aka i know how to use the cheese) but I know relatively little about the inner workings of cheese, as I have only experienced it as a consumer. I am well on my way to becoming an amateur connoisseur of cheese, however, because of consuming it frequently and having been exposed to a wide variety of excellent flavors, textures, origins, and uses of cheese. There does still seem to be a bit of mystery, though, as I have never experienced it on a personal level, like I have bread. I certainly do not have a favorite flavor, though I do have favorites in specific culinary situations, as well as a type or two I like for frequent, day-to-day snacking.

There is more to this analogy. However, this post is already really long, so I'll save it for tomorrow.

Things I Love

audiobooks
Library Cards
clean laundry
having a (functioning) washer and drier IN MY HOUSE
having money to pay rent
pretty clothes
friends with talents they are willing to share
eating well
cheese
berries
having time to do crochet projects
working desk
clean rooms
sunny days
talking to friends
modern technology
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
sour cream/neufchatel fruit dip
fancy dishes
telephones
water
grass
space
gardens
coincidences
BYU Campus
fresh bread
scriptures
lds.org
man sweatshirts
Batman sweatshirt. Mine.
yard work
gym memberships
pretty yarn
drumline music
marching band
my CTR ring
my hat
my clock
bicycles
bus passes
friends that help me do cool stuff
cute stuffed animals
dance shoes
dancing
cooking for people
feeling pretty
skipping
walking through flower gardens
having adventures
my cowboy hat
Hobby Lobby
having money to GO to Hobby Lobby
California Adventures
the Block at Orange
big rooms to have parties in
hosting parties
talking about intelligent subjects
going on dates
talking about intelligent subjects while on dates
frolicking
Jamba Juice
my yellow blanket
Bobby the Cow
Calvin and Hobbes
canning fruit
making applesauce
exploring
cool clothes
logic puzzles
learning

Obviously, I am having a good day. :-)

Life List, con't

Well, spring is finally here--well, Spring Term, at least (Utah is still snowing)--and it seems like a good time to come up with more goals, and knock some of these off the list.

I realized that, while i do have some more immediate goals, many of the goals I have are very long-term, and difficult to relate to my day-to-day life.

• Watch movie in IMax and/or 3D-- A friend of mine took me on a midnight date to Tron in 3-D. It was awesome. Still working on IMax.
  
• Take a chemistry class--eventually (as mentioned previously) this will happen. No current application (other than not dying).
  
• Take a calculus class--This one is still up in the air.
  
• Swing dance well--My roommate and I decided to start going to Swing Club. I may end up ditching in favor of hip-hop. We'll see.
  
• Successfully perform a scat solo--Passively working on this. Ears still aren't the greatest. My vocal range, however, has increased significantly. Low D (in the bass clef) to a high A (Above the treble staff) on a typical day. C to C to C on a really good day. (Working toward that being the norm)
  
• Run a 5K--time down to 29 minutes. Still working on this.
  
• Read the Wheel of Time series--next one doesn't come out til this Fall. Sigh. So, doing all I can to make time for it.
  
• Read The Screwtape Letters--Very, very good. Nearly finished.
  
• Read the Book of Mormon in another language--Nope, not yet. Long-term goal.
  
• Read Dante's Divine Comedy--I found an audiobook version that will let me listen to it while I'm at work. I hope that counts.
  
• Play Ultimate Frisbee--So, turns out my new roommate LOVES playing Frisbee and she said she would teach me. Awesome.
  
• Play the Ric (well)--mmmmmmm...nope. I need to acquire one of these. Maybe for my birthday.
  
• Play the piano: hymns, jazz--not yet
  
• Play the Harmonica: Bb Blues--working on this, though I'm mostly on my C harp (s).
  
• Play the Guitar--still plunking along. Taking my guitar in to be fixed next week, inShu'allah.
  
• Play Slide Trombone--not yet. Though I wouldn't be opposed to some embouchure exercises sometime soon-ish...
  
• Play French Horn--see above
  
• Perform "Dress Has Always Been my Strongest Suit," from Aida--My OTHER roommate is a theatre person and took soprano vocal lessons, focusing on belting, last year. She said she would help with my technique. Awesome.
  
• Own a pet dog-- long-term
  
• Own a house, with LAND--LONG-term
• Memorize 314 digits of pi--I found this awesome site that has the first 50 digits of pi read in a lot of different ways, which is awesome, and i also found this insomnia recording of the first 1000 digits of pi. I will also be using these while at work.
  
• Manage finances very well--first finance lesson next Saturday at 7pm
  
• Make Creme brulee--have a creme brulee making kit sitting in my kitchen, waiting for some adventurous souls.
  
• Make a blouse--registered for a sewing class for Summer 2011
  
• Learn to Knit--the first rommate I mentioned (the frisbee one) also knows how to knit. I teach her crochet, she teaches me knit. So excited.
  
• Learn to cook Indian food--not yet
  
• Learn to cook Chinese food--not yet, but the second roommate I mentioned (the soprano belter) also lived in Taiwan for a few years, and she is going to teach me to make deliciousness.
  
• Learn as many folk songs as possible--working on that.
  
• Language: Spanish--o.o
• Language: RussianO.O
• Language: Italian O.O
  
• Language: Hebrew O.O
• Language: Greek O.O
  
• Language: ASL O.O
  
• Language: Arabic (O). (O) Oh dear. Well, I'm currently working on this. I downloaded an Arabic primer to my computer and practice pronunciation with it. My downstairs neighbor/RS prez also needs to practice her Arabic, so we agreed to work on it together. Vaguely. We haven't set a time or anything yet.
  
• Kiss in the rain :-)--remember that aforementioned embouchure practice? Though I'll have to wait for it to warm up enough, otherwise it would be snow...
  
• Hike the Y--planned to go; hike cancelled due to inclement weather. AKA snow. In April. Lame.
  
• Have a picnic in a random spot on campus--haven't found anyone cool enough to go with yet.
  
• Have a LOT of children-- Long-term. Few pre-reqs to this. Though I am trying to be healthier, eat healthier, learn good Mom skills, and figure out finance habits that will allow me to take CARE of so many children. This is kind of the end goal of all of these other goals. [Contrary to popular belief, awesomeness is not a goal. It is simply a way of life.]
  
• Graduate with a bachelor's degree--school full-time, year-round,baby! w00t! Don't die!
  
• Go to Yellowstone--not yet
  
• Go to the Middle East--long-term
• Go to Thanksgiving Point Gardens-- I did go to Thanksgiving Point for the first time, but it wasn't to the Gardens-- it was to pick up a sweatshirt that a friend of mine forgot there when he went to the museum. So. Baby steps.
  
• Go to New York--Long-term
• Go to a beach--sigh. Not yet.
  
• Go on a mission--Long term
  
• Go east of the Mississippi River--long-term
• Get married--hmm. It'll happen.
  
• Crochet Professionally--I'm working on my Associate Professional paperwork for the Crochet Guild of America; I'm also working on my Master's of Craft certificate through the guild. I am working on obtaining a business license for Bina's Bazaar and setting up a Facebook storefront. I also applied to work for Stitch Diva, based in Vegas. So. We'll see how it all pans out.
  
• Be debt-free--yeah, right. Long-term. Though I am working on a financial plan.
  

So, there's the list. There are the updates. I think I need some more short-ish term goals. I'm also working on kicking my allergies and getting my health back under control, and that takes quite a bit of mental/physical energy. But, I feel like I should make some more goals that are more immediate rather than semi- or really-long term. I'm almost to the end of many of my immediate goals.

Any suggestions for new ones?

Blog Title

Some people have inquired as to where the name of my blog came from.

Well, let me tell you.

It come from a poem I used to relate to quite well, called "We Wear the Mask." Here is the text:

We Wear the Mask

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

--Paul Laurence Dunbar

I haven't felt that way in a long time. Until this afternoon. So, in light of that feeling and the recent inquiries regarding my title, I figured I would post it.

Life List

Well, I haven't written in a while, but I thought I'd give an update on that life list on the side of my profile. It is, of course, an incomplete list, however, it's a start.

Read the Wheel of Time series: I have read all the WoT books that have come out; the last one comes out this fall. So, well on my way on that one.

Read The Screwtape Letters: I'm in the middle of it. I love it! Highly recommend it.

Play Guitar: Also, I took a guitar class last semester. Still a beginner, but I can plunk out some good christmas songs, folks songs, a lot of pop/mild rock/country. Definitely rhythm guitar, no food at finger picking yet. But again, getting there.

Run a 5K: I got my 5K time down to 30 min flat on a consistent basis. I'm working on some interval/hill training; I want to run a 5K "race" this July. If that doesn't work, I'm for sure doing the Rex Lee run next year. I want to do something before that, though.

Language--Spanish: I actually had to translate a bunch of crochet patterns into Spanish. It doesn't count as speaking Spanish, nor did I even DO most of the actual translating (mostly editing) but I've been working on reading comprehension. Honestly, I think it would just be easier to marry one of the (plethora of) returned missionaries who speaks Spanish well, and who wants to continue doing so. More constant exposure to the language would really help. ("Hi, my name's Sabina. Where did you serve? [85.7364912% chance of a Spanish speaking mission inserted here ] Great! Will you marry me? I need to work on my Spanish...")

Language-- Arabic: This semester, I've been reviewing the Arabic I've already been taught. I'm still not very versed, and my handwriting is AWFUL, but I was able to have a small-talk conversation with a guy in my Isaiah class. He teaches Arabic at a high school nearby or something. He thought I'd just gotten back from Egypt. <---^_^ I explained that I didn't know much vocabulary past what we'd already covered in our conversation. But I was still happy. I WILL learn that language someday. (No Arabic-speaking missions yet).

Going to the Middle East: Delayed; probably won't happen till I'm much older. I'm keeping up fairly well with events over there, though. As much as I can, anyway. Someday there will be a mission opened up over there, and I want to be involved somehow. Maybe my sons will go over there...?? That would be WAY cool.

Going on a mission: Also delayed; probably won't go until I go with my husband later. It's GOING to happen, just not right now in my life. But I'm so excited for it, anyway!!! I think it would be fun to be a mission mom. I think I could do it. We'll see what the Lord has in store.

Graduating with a Bachelor's degree: also delayed. I'm still in school, but due to some major requirements/changes, it will be a while. Sigh. But I have a real-person (ish) job already, so.... Not exactly what I anticipated my life course being, but hey. Just keep truckin, right? But because of/assisting to cause this delay, another one of my life goals will be realized:

Take a chemistry class: Surprise! Not only one, but THREE chemistry classes. And for some chem majors out there, that's cake. For me, it literally is-- I am required to take a laboratory Food Science class (lecture&lab). That sounds like a lot of fun. The kicker is the pre-req: I get to take O-CHEM!! w00t! And because I've never taken a single chemistry class in my whole life, I also get to take Basic Chemistry (so I don't die going straight into O-Chem). I'm excited, but a little...wary. I'm sure I'll be fine. It just makes me tired even thinking about it.

So basically, I'll be chillin here in Provo a little longer than I thought. Not that that's a bad thing-- I really like it here. I love school, though sometimes I have to remind myself of it. Besides, the extension happened when I was looking at post-college school options (grad school, culinary school, cosmetology school), so I would have been in school another few years anyway. And this is a lot cheaper. And I'm excited to be able to teach!!! That'll be cool.

So, everything is definitely going according to a plan, it just wasn't the plan I'd anticipated.


This semester has been CRAZY; I'll update later. Right now I need to get back to work.