Friday, April 2, 2010

You know those days when you really just need a hug?


The week or so has been like that. It's frustrating when the people who are "supposed" to be supporting you, can't anymore. When the problems affect everyone so deeply, you can only help each other so far. Turning to those outside of the situation doesn't substitute the needed support and love, partially because they are not aware of the depth of the problem and partially because it's simply not their place. There's really no one to turn to but the Lord.

But sometimes hugs help, anyway.
I don't normally ASK for hugs. And, if I've done it more lately, it's because I've found myself in an extremely abnormal situation. Sometimes, girl hugs just don't cut it. They remind me too much of my mom, I suppose. She hasn't been able to actually give hugs in a very long time. Guy hugs don't remind me of my dad; I've rarely hugged my dad since I was a little girl. Guy hugs are just better. Stronger, maybe? I guess they make me feel safer, and slightly less pathetic.


The fact that I admit to simply needing a hug at all makes me feel pathetic, to a certain degree. And asking for one is embarrassing, and mildly awkward, especially if the other person avoids me or gets awkward themselves. I am very sensitive to public embarrassment, thanks to a variety of factors. To oversimplify, I'm prideful about my ability to do things myself-- just me, and the Lord, and nobody else needs to even know about it. To anyone that knows my mother, this is a familiar story. Consequently, if I find the need for a hug to outweigh publicly embarrassing myself by actually ASKING for one, you know it's a desperate situation. If it was anything less, I'd go hug my blanket or something. Or maybe even one of my roommates (they are much better huggers than blankets).

Unfortunately for me, sometimes guys misinterpret my need for a hug. Sometimes, rather than seeing the request as a sign of trust and a call for help, they see it as a (VERY) lame attempt at flirting or something. Um. No. But apparently girls actually do that? o_O

Okay, to clear the record: If I want to flirt with you, I probably already do. My asking for a hug is NOT some pathetic, whiny, "I'm so helpless," coquettish female manipulation, trying to get you to fall in love with me or something. If that were the intent, I'd be much more smooth about it. Or much, much more blunt. :-) It's a sign of trust, and, probably, that I've run out of other options. That's not to say that trusting someone and flirting with them are mutually exclusive (nor should they be), but they are NOT the same thing. So stop fretting.

Sometimes I see Derrick and Amy and I'm a little jealous of their relationship. I used to have guy friends like that. Sometimes they developed into more than friends, but that's not the part I miss the most. I miss having someone to go to, to talk to, to listen to, to spend time with just because. Someone I felt comfortable with, that I trusted, that I didn't always feel self conscious around about their opinions of my makeup, clothes, hair, social ineptness, whatever.

It takes time for relationships like that to develop. And, most of my friends are in the stage of life that relationships like that are to be built with individuals they want to date/court/marry. As soon as it is determined that I am not one of those people, it is right that their efforts be focused elsewhere. It's not a bad thing.

But sometimes a girl just needs a hug.

On a related note, please pay attention to the following diagram, particularly #2. Misuse of this hug is a personal pet peeve. Also, #4 has been known to cause injury to either/both parties involved.


Trevor said...

Wow, kind of sad, but well written and, of course, insightful.

Sabina Michelle said...

In retrospect, I feel that my mother is presented in a mildly negative light in this entry. She is not prideful, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being reminded of her. Hugging girls reminds me more that she can't give hugs easily anymore (which is sad). Being reminded of my mother herself is perfectly fine. :-)