I know so many awesome guys. Seriously. I could make a list, titled "The Coolest Guys I've Met, Ever," and it would probably be really long. Which kind of defied the purpose of the superlative, I know, but sometimes, especially in cases like this, generalized superlatives are essentially useless.
And, with all of these amazing, coolest-guys-I've-met-ever guys around, I don't have a single one that I'm particularly interested in. Kind of weird. Not a bad thing, surely, but a little strange. I see my friends crushing on, dating, getting engaged to, and marrying quite a few of these CGIMEs, and there are quite a few CGIMEs that I look at and think "Okay, WHY are you not married?!", but none in particular that I'm interested in dating. Not that I would say no, of course, just...I don't know. It feels kind of strange. I'm not content, but nor am I mooning over one particular person, either. It feels like there's an empty space in my life, but no one quite fits in it. The sensation has been there for many years, waxing and waning at different times, but of late it merely grows stronger and stronger. It probably has a purpose, and in time I'll look back and say "Oh, THAT'S how it happens. Okay!", but it does me very little good in the short run. I love having guy friends, I love meeting people, I love going on dates with funny, cute, intelligent guys that like to have fun. I'm a huge flirt and I have a ton of fun. I definitely want to date someone; many people my age do. And yet...it's odd seeing so many of my friends pair off, or want to pair off with so-and-so, or maybe-we're-paired-off-but-I'm-not-really-sure...and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Not even a "Oh, hey, there's this guy that I want to notice me..." or anything.
And yet, the missing space grows more and more poignant.
I'm so glad today's Relief Society Lesson was on patience.
Maybe it wouldn't be so obvious if I was still associating with these friends on a regular basis. Living more or less socially isolated is not really helping the situation.
They say life's a gamble, and often make analogies to playing cards. The sharp difference is, in life, you can't just fold temporarily, then take the next round of cards. You have to just keep playing. My life is good. I just need more patience.
On a side note, people sometimes make dating much too complicated, which leads to awkwardness, which leads to damaged friendships. Sometimes, people need to just chill.
(You know, since I'm the dating expert here, as you can gather from the beginning part of this post. Probably shouldn't pay attention to me til I have a ring on my left fourth. ;-) )
Anyway. Not particularly eloquent, not looking for pity, just expressing a frustration I'm sure many people have experienced at some point.
1 comment:
Yep, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I was never able to put it so well. Nice. I had that feeling until I was 24!
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