Tuesday, January 22, 2013


I have be re-writing my overall vision for my life, and it has led me to some (surprisingly exciting) conclusions:

(1) I am awesome. 

(2) I really like knowing things.

(3)I really enjoy the "Renaissance Woman" thing...

(4)...but I also feel like my life needs better focus. (I'm sure many of my readers are thinking 'umm...duh.')

(5) I have a lot of talents, and I enjoy them. 

(6)I want to obtain more talents, and develop the ones I have, better!

(7) I can purposefully and individually take more complete control over my own educational pursuits. 

This has led me to some action-oriented conclusions:

--I have decided to seriously pare down my remaining yarn stash.  Keep enough for some pet projects for friends and family, and that hat closet I'm working on, but cutting it down to about a fifth...or a sixth...of what it is now. It is definitely enviable of many a Pinterest board!  I am thinking of selling it off on Craigslist and/or KSL, so that I can roll the space, and the resulting bit of cash into...

--...focusing on food. Not on catering, not on parties, not on yarn whittling, not on for-profit design. Food. I still LOVE crochet, and stage makeup, and music, and all the other things...but if I can let go of my insecurities, and my fear of becoming imbalanced and Labled--I could be very, very good at Food. Cooking with it, preserving it, the science behind it, the technique of it, the business and economy of it, the religious and cultural significance of it.  An all-encompassing Food Expert. 

This refinement of my life goals will include the things I really enjoy:  the possibility of culinary school, studying and experimenting with food, personal study and flexibility, teaching cooking and food classes, working in a variety of food service positions, throwing taster parties and foodie-events.

It will cut out many things that I do NOT enjoy: feeling obligated to do things just because I am good at them, feeling like my culinary development and educational pursuits are solely defined by the demands of the area in which I happen to live at the moment, feeling like I'm always pulled in twenty thousand directions within my own mind, not getting paid for events or cooking gigs that I should be, forcing roots to grow in this town in the form of debt for a commercial kitchen, my own restaurant, etc., feeling like I am expected to know all the answers when people ask me food questions, feeling like my personal pursuits are a waste of time when I should be focusing on stream-lining and profitability.  Etcetera. 

It will also mean I need to work on some things that I am willing to enjoy more: Photo-documenting kitchen projects being the main one. Consistently updating websites--blog, social media, personal domain, Pinterest, etc. Forming professional connections.  Letting go of intense interests and letting them simply become "hobbies." (that is probably the biggest one). 

This will allow me to work for many already-established professionals in my trade, and move up quickly as I gain the experience I need while earning enough to pay bills. (It will also, incidentally, make taxes a lot easier...don't get me off on THAT little frustration!)
I feel like I do a lot of things, and I'm at about a "B" level at most of them--sometimes a C or D level. There are very few things I would out-right fail at--except for long-distance running (Emily Clay, you are my hero!).  But it's time to grow up a little-- become a REAL expert at something. Not just pass-able. Not just "I am going to keep this around, so I can be sure to have it when I might want to come back to it later."

I think the hardest choices in life are between good things and great things-- or good things and good things. I'm not looking to cut out my interests--just to pare them down to "hobby-level" interests.  that way, food is work and crochet, guitar, music, reading, writing, etc are relaxation!


I feel like the rest of the world already figured this out. >.> .... <.<...
But for me, this is a big step. 

Also, could we just step back for a moment, and imagine how awesome I'm going to be at something if I'm actually focusing on it?  Cutting out the mental and spacial baggage and actually throwing MOST of my energy behind one pursuit?  I don't think I've ever done that before.  The closest I've come was drumline my junior year of high school. Senior year I lost it a bit, and I don't think I ever got it back. 

There's more to this, but this is already a long post.

Imma go study about chocolate.

PS I'm interested in feedback on this one...I'm a little nervous, but I feel like this is a fundamental change that will be very important. Thoughts welcome!


MH said...

First thought: Good luck, and not in a sarcastic way.
Second thought: I wish I could do that. I don't think I'm at that point though - still trying to explore and figure out what I'm good at and passionate about. So awesome props for reaching this choice.
Other thought that threads through the others: You're right - you're awesome and talented, and I think you're gonna rock no matter which direction you go. You're mature enough to know what's gonna make you happy, so I'm glad that you're picking it.
Keep me on your list of people to keep in touch with please :)

:cassia marie: said...

i think this is a marvelous goal, especially the yarn that i remember helping you move... :) i know that if i were to go off just what you post about in your blog, dedicating more time to school and cooking are the right choices, leaving everything else to just hobbies. i know you love to do multiple things/projects all at once, but yes, focusing on those 2 things specifically will definitely give you the confidence and strength you seem to be searching for. they are wonderful pursuits, all of them, but focus is a very good thing. plus, if you nail down those 2, you can always focus on others later. but taking it one step at a time - repeat, ONE STEP AT A TIME - well, it will be amazing to see what comes from your efforts! good luck love i'm excited to see when you're graduating and going to culinary school :)

Cecilia said...

MAHH-VELOUS DAHLING!! :D :D You are my sister and are freaking amazing at it!! You can do whatever you you set your heart on. Plus I wish that I could have said motivation to do what you are doing :) You go girl!