Weekend

Note sent to me, after Ward Prayer, on Sunday night:

"You may think we don't realize, but I know that you are an undercover superhero. Keep up the awesome."

Well, thank you, for totally making my day.

Also, I had a really good weekend. I got to perform once again with the amazing Jason Lyle Black. Yes, the backwards-piano, I'm-just-as-or-more-amazing-then-John-Schmidt guy. [If you don't know who I'm talking about, his website, http://www.jasonlyleblack.com/ , will inform you and generally enrich your life].

We did an arrangement of "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" and "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen," using a cajon, a djembe, claves, egg shakers, and the piano, and our voices. We started on a unison (male octave--I used my man-voice), Gregorian-style "O, Come," then split to two parts and added a mild rock beat and a chime part in the piano. the next verse was a heavier rock beat, full piano, and Sabina used her woman voice, soaring out over the top of a VERY rich sound. Everyone dropped out at the end of the verse except the shakers, then we added the drums in a fast mambo beat, and Mr. Black took off in a rousing rendition of "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen." We then moved back into a rock and traded fours, (even the claves), with some crazy, high-energy, high-groove drumming, and Mr. Black goofing off on the piano (his fours/eights sets included not only Christmas songs like Jingle Bells, but also Eye of the Tiger, Billy Jean, and Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"). Then, Jason's last set moved back into "O Come" and the voices added in at the "Rejoice!" section. We had a huge ending (of course) and I honestly thought Nate would put a hole in the cajon he was playing.

It was marvelous.

Also, for the record, I looked awesome, in a gorgeous red formal with beaded roses down the front, and a black velvet jacket. *loves* Also, my roommate straightened my hair, and I wore some fancy perfume. It was fun to remind myself that I like being a girl. I was in the performing group with four good-looking men wearing suits and red ties, which made it even more awesome. And, that it was fairly uncoordinated.

I also got together with two of my cousins on Sunday and made Cardamon Braid and talked about life. It was wonderful.

Songs of the Heart

Songs are very interesting things. Many people talk about having a "theme song," and I don't know how well I agree with that idea. There are, however, many songs that, taken apart or together, mean a lot to me in my life. Here are some of those:

Life songs--Pictures of Sabina
Beautifully, Jay Brennan
This Is a Call, Thousand Foot Crutch
Break Away, Kelly Clarkson
Smile, Nat King Cole
Songs Sung Blue, Neil Diamond
Dancin' With Myself, Billy Idol
Fighter, Christina Aguilera
In the Middle, Jimmy Eat World
Master, the Tempest is Raging, LDS Hymnbook
Be Still, My Soul, VocalPoint

Make Me Happy Songs
Wild Montana Skies, John Denver
The Impression That I Get, The Bosstones

Wishful Thinking and Good Memories
Night And Day, Ella Fitzgerald
Hero-Enrique Inglesias
Lullaby (Goodnight, My Angel), Billy Joel
I Just Called To Say I Love You, Stevie Wonder
Hard Habit to Break, Chicago
Pop! Goes My Heart, Hugh Grant
DJs Got Us Fallin In Love, Usher
All the Right Moves, One Republic
Hey There, Delilah, Plain White Ts
I Don't Want to Miss a Thing, Aerosmith



Also:

As long as you keep getting born, it's alright to die some times. ~Orson Scott Card

"God would like us to be joyful...

...even when our hearts lie panting on the floor." --Tevye

I have been ridiculously sensitive lately. I guess I just get on overload, and instead of shutting down, I get sensitive. There have been times this last little while that I have felt (sometimes literally) that my heart is lying 'panting on the floor,' as Tevye sings in the musical, Fiddler on the Roof. It'll all work out. Like Harvey Dent reminds us, in The Dark Knight: "The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you-- the dawn IS coming."
I know it is. And life will get harder, but that's okay. The Lord will help us do hard things.
.
.
.


Okay, so Miss Always and Boy Who Smiles are sitting on the couch across from me, and Miss Always is ATTEMPTING to instruct Boy Who Smiles on how to properly play with a woman's hair. She is trying to make it clear that playing with a girl's hair is done differently than playing with a boy's hair. It's true. I think he's finally getting it, but it's still not quite natural. Also, he is lucky that Miss Always almost always wears her hair down and straight, because one plays with curly hair differently than one plays with "long, luscious locks" such as hers.

I miss people playing with my hair. Back in the day when I actually took the time to do my hair in the morning, Star would play with it.

Speaking about the days when I would actually do my hair: the other day, I was at He Who Eats My Food's house. He and his roommates (together known as the Lost Boys) were checking out the girls in the ward via the ward directory (um. well. More on that later). They decided that my roommate Burger has the prettiest hair in the ward. As I processed this, it actually made me really happy, because a few days earlier while she was doing my hair, Burger told me my hair was just like hers! Which it is, when I actually take the time to do it in the morning. It looked better when it was longer--much better-- but it is easier to take care of when it's shorter. So, in my I'm-going-to-take-everything-as-a-compliment mind, I decided that since Burger said my hair is just like hers (and it wasn't just me thinking so) and the boys think Burger's hair is the prettiest in the ward, then I have really pretty hair, too! Even though I'm lazy and don't do much with it. Also, someone (the week prior to the Burger-hair conversation) told me that when I take time do do my makeup and outfits like Cheesecake Girl, I look really good. So, the moral of the story is, if I wasn't such a lazy bum, I have the potential to be attractive. ^_^ I was quite pleased.

Speaking of me being a lazy bum, I slept most of the day today. I was up for about an hour in the middle of the day-- enough for correspondence and for a friend to pick up my overdue library books. I then slept until 4:30, when Miss Adorable helped me get up and move all my arm muscles around. My visiting teacher brought me dinner, which was delicious! I felt bad, because she at first asked if she could eat with me, and I answered that I was really tired (thinking I probably wouldn't eat right then). I was still a little asleep I think, but then I woke up and realized (a) it was time to take meds and (b) I was SUPER hungry. So I rescinded my statement and we had quite and enjoyable dinner. I stayed awake afterward, kind of, and watched an episode of TV on Hulu and browsed Netflix. There were quite a few people in and out after that, including a fun visit from my home teachers. (PS, I have extremely attractive home teachers.)

I have an appointment tomorrow, which I hope will help me get some things straightened out. I NEED to be able to do my homework; right now that isn't working so well. :-/ I feel so lost. I have no idea where November even went. o.o No good! It's amazing how closely your body, mind, and spirit work together. When the body isn't feeling well, often I find it drags my brain down. That is mish qwayiss--in a college setting, especially. And I have Christmas gifts to finish!! Bah. I am excited about those, though.

It's nice to know I have so many supportive friends to help me out and love me. It's hard for me to accept help; I guess I'm being compelled to at this point. I know I'll be taken care of. I just wish that I could remember that I know that all the time. I don't get scared easily, but I do get a little down. I suppose that's because I am confident (so I don't get scared much) but impatient (so I forget). Maybe that's why one of the most repeated words in the scriptures is "remember."
That's all I have to do.

Remember.

Hot Chocolate

Many people have asked for my hot chocolate recipe. The answer is, I don't have one. But here is a basic approximation.

Hot Chocolate:

Butter-- I used a quarterish cup and a little bit. Melt this over med high heat.
Sugar-- add this to butter. I used halfish cup; don't put too much in at the beginning, add it to taste throughout.
Cocoa Powder-- add this to butter/sugar. I like chocolate darker, so I added a handful. This is just baking cocoa. I actually used Dutch cocoa this last time and it was SO GOOD.
Cream-- add a cup of cream to the fudge base. turn down the heat on the stove so you don't burn the mixture.

simmer this for about 5 minutes, add some milk (you'll want quite a bit, the base is pretty strong) and water to taste (this is the final cocoa drink). Heat through and serve.
Refrigerate any leftovers.

Om nom.

So tasty

Okay, so I'm pretty much too lazy to write recipes (or follow them, for that matter)-- they's really more guidelines, than act'ul rules, as Pirates would tell us. However, I just made this for lunch for a friend of mine and it was "tres tasty." So I decided to try to remember what I did. I think I got it all.

Yummy Pasta Chicken Stuff

Some Chicken, cut up in 1/2 in chunks (I used microwave-thawed chicken breasts, but
thighs or whatever is fine)
Cook this in a wok (or a cast-iron pan...or just a pan. Whatever works.)
Cook it til 3/4of the way done, then add squirts of lemon juice (be generous--
probably about 1/4 cup for 1 breast). Add some paprika, and some black pepper
(fresh ground is good, but whatever you have). Try to get the spices directly
on the chicken. Add some crushed ground (or chopped fresh) parsley, add salt
to taste. Cook until chicken is no longer pink, or a little longer to carmelize the lemon juice.
When the chicken is done, add a medium tomato, chopped up into tiny chunks. Heat over warm burner until tomato is warm and the flavors are blended.

A couple minutes before you add the spices to the chicken...

Some whole wheat Penne Rigate (cheap at Walmart or Winco)
Cook this al dente. Then drain well, put back in pan, and add:

2 T butter (I measure this stuff cuz it's on the side when you cut it haha)
Garlic Powder to taste (get all the clumps out)
a little Onion Powder
Salt
Pepper
a titch of paprika

Put over warm (not hot or you'll burn the pasta) burner to melt the butter; add some parsley (to make it look fancy... and taste good) and some Parmesan Cheese.

The chicken should be done. Put the pasta in a bowl or on a plate and put the chicken on top. Add more Parmesan cheese (or cheddar tastes good, too), pray, and serve with apples/grapes and ice water.

So tasty.

Ten Day Beauty Challenge

BYU Women's Services is putting on a Ten Day "Recapturing Beauty" challenge. I was intrigued. I decided to participate in the tasks they set forth each day, and see what happens. One activity we are asked to do is write for at least ten minutes every day, specifically about our bodies/beauty/experiences/other such things. I know there are a lot of people in my circle of influence, limited as it may be, that have struggled or are struggling with a misunderstanding of beauty. This isn't just how women see themselves,but how we all see each other. Misconceptions about beauty and worth and esteem permeate our culture.

I love this article. It definitely captures the way I felt as a teenager, and sometimes even now that I'm in my early 20s.

http://new.lds.org/new-era/2001/09/beauty-tips?lang=eng

The Quote of the Day for the challenge is this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure... We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your
playing small does not serve the world.”

-as quoted by Nelson Mandela

The Lord has given us these bodies. They are something Satan will never have, and thus, he tries SO HARD to make us hate them-- too fat, too skinny, bad hair, deformed, too short, too tall, and a plethora of other lies that he feeds us. He tries to pull us to extremes-- depriving our bodies of needed nutrients and pleasures, or stuffing our faces with junk and poison, never using our bodies to their fullest abilities. He tries to completely separate us from our bodies, or tries to make us believe we are slaves to them, needing to heed only the basest and carnal desires.

Our bodies our temples for our spirits. Our body, mind, and spirit must work together in wellness for us to fully access the abilities God has given us.

More to come.

The Best Two Years

I had two incredibly-important-to-my-life people come home from their missions this week: Elder Ryan R. Nunez and Elder Benjamin Wesley Jones. It has sparked a lot of reflection, particularly over the last few years of my life--a great lead-in to what promises to be a fantastic General Conference. I'm excited to see what the Lord has to say to me, to the Church, and to the world.

^___^

Crazy, crazy, crazy what can happen in a month.

The first and most important event is that I've made at least three particularly FANTASTIC new friends. I knew of Melissa and Ari because we've been in band together, but they play woodwinds, so I didn't actually KNOW them until I started hanging out with Milly's brother Nathan (whom I hadn't know at all). Can I just say, "God loves me"? He sends me such AWESOME friends! We have about a million things in common and complement, and I love it. Love love love love. Hard to believe it's only been a few weeks.

Cymbals have been amazing thus far this season. Things are getting hectic because we no longer have a pseudo-tech and we no longer get time for sectionals. SAAAAAD day. We have such cool vij ideas, but haven't had time or energy to figure them out! Mostly time!! GAAAAAAAAAAH. :breathe:
It'll be fine. This time of the season is always like this; I just don't want to start the game-every-week slip'n'slide and just let it go by. Eh, we'll make it happen. We've been really blessed this season.

I;m pretty sure haven't been to the gym in a month (o.o stinkin' marching band) but I FINALLY got to go today. Katie and I hit up a Zumba class at the rec center. It was SO fun! Loves. I'm excited to get my Gold's membership back up and running in Provo (Running. Ha).

I saw a young father today with his little girl, running and jumping around on campus. It made me so happy, and excited for the family I'll have someday. That's been on my mind quite a bit this weekend, what with regional conference, Elder Scott's fireside, Elder Hale's devotional, and my Marriage Prep unit of my SFL 100 class. I'm so excited. I want a husband that will play with my kids. :-)

I just wanted to post and share my general happiness and excitement about life. This time in the year can be stressful and begin to seem overwhelming. Just remember: The Lord loves you, and He will send His tender mercies into your life. And just think! A couple weeks of classes, topped with GAMEDAYS on Saturdays, then General Conference!!! Then, a couple weeks of classes and Halloween is here (with the coolest Halloween party EVER already in the works for here at la Casa). THEN, just a few more learning-and-growing-and-fulfilling-our-divine-potential weeks till Thanksgiving!! And then final prep, exams, the BYU Bowl Game, and CHRISTMAS!!

Life is so exciting. And happy. So many wonderful, Christlike people. Building relationships is such a blessing for us. We can totally do this.

Love,
Sabina

New Layout

So, I'm not the biggest fan of this new layout, but my old template wasn't working and the new version had apparently been saved as a txt file rather than an xml file. :( Moral of the story, it doesn't work anymore. Sad day.

So we have lots of dots. Sometimes they make me feel like having a seizure...or going cross-eyes. Not extremely user-0friendly. I'm working on it.

Love,
Sabs

PS-- My life is awesome.

Names and Symbols, Draft

To any Brinton that may read this post, and to Trevor Cook: please pardon the poor punctuation of this post. (Although the alliteration is awesome, as always).

Many people I know find that "pet names," or nicknames, or shortened versions of names, are signs of friendship, familiarity, and closeness (in our society, they are).

I've found that as I grow closer to people outside of my immediate family, I am more likely to use their full name, or their proper title. For example, my friend went by Ben most of the time, but as we got closer, I found myself calling him "Benjamin," "Ben Jones," or, later, "Elder Benjamin Wesley Jones" (that was only when I got really excited). At the time, I thought it was an isolated incident, but lately I've retrospectively noticed a pattern. A boy I liked/dated in high school went by a nickname, but as our relationship developed I began to call him by his first name. I did the same with friends. Names like "Matt," "Andy," "Steve," and "Joe" become Matthew, Andrew, Stephen, and Joseph.

This habit extends to Church leaders. I had some leaders in Young Women's that wanted to be called Jo-Jo and Beth. I continued to call them Sister So-and-So and Sister So-and-So. I think they were annoyed that I alone refused to call them the fun/friendly/buddy-buddy names, but in my mind it was a sign of respect. When they were no longer my YW leaders, I was much more comfortable calling them by their first names (however, I do not use pet names like Jo-Jo). The same thing happened with a leader in a later ward; she informed us that many of the ward called her "Momma J." I have never used it; I have a mother and she does a fantastic job at it, thank you.

The only exception I've found to this rule, which may seem contrary to the previous example, are girls and women that I consider close enough to be sisters or beloved aunts. The Wright family is a perfect example; I have no problems calling Eliza "EJ," or Sister Wright "Momma Wright." (Not sure why 'Momma Wright' and 'Momma J' feel so different to me. Perhaps Momma Wright feels more like a title than a nickname. "Momma J" is still a shortened version of the woman's name. I don't know).

This being explained, I feel I should mention: I was rarely referred to by my full ("real") name growing up. I was "Bina," "Saber," "Savvy," "BB," "Michelle," , "Bean," "Beaner," "Mom" (that was my band director), and various other things, but rarely was I referred to as "Sabina." Even my teachers rarely said my name. I suppose I got to feeling like these nicknames were all parts of who I was, but that was all-- just part. No one know totally who I was. I would start a little when people used my real name--get kind of a deer-in-headlights feeling. It's not like it was a secret--everyone knew my name-- people simply rarely used it.

I've been thinking about the importance of names a lot recently. I do realize my habit is nearly exactly opposite of society's commonplace, and sometimes I feel like it confuses people.

For example: There is a boy that I like a lot; we've been getting to know each other better recently, and, accordingly, I've taken to using his full name consistently. (He sometimes goes by a shortened version, sometimes not; he doesn't really care). The other day, though, he called me "Bina." It was kind of odd. For a moment, I kind of bristled (in an "I am NOT your little sister, thank you very much!" sort of way), but then I looked at him and realized he didn't mean it that way at all (duh). In his mind, it's a sign of closeness and friendship and all that. I initially saw it as patronizing. That got me thinking about the importance of a given name (more on surnames later) and prompted this blog post. I realize that my attitude, while not unique, is not exactly society's precedent. I don't think it should be. I simply recognize it as a quirk that I have.

The aforementioned incident also made me realize how important it is to try to see a situation from the other person's eyes. I easily could have let my minor bristle become an irritation, and let that fester into a serious chip on my shoulder, and that poor boy would be left utterly clueless as to what had me irked. But we were seeing totally opposite sides of a coin. He saw the nickname as a sign that we were close enough to use them; I saw it as patronizing. But really-- whose quirk was it, anyway? Mine, of course. Completely. And as soon as I realized that (thankfully, it was very quickly), I realized something else--

I kind of liked that he called me Bina.

Strange, isn't it? Seeing something for what it is ACTUALLY saying. I like the nickname because of what it means to HIM, not to me. That's one of the troubles with language: words are symbols. Sometimes, we think that because we are using the same words that we are saying the same thing. Not so. So I needed to take a step back and remember three very important conversation/relational questions:

Okay, what is it that we're REALLY saying?
What is it that we're actually hearing?
and, most important: "Whose quirk is it, anyway?"

Sometimes, ordering thoughts out is difficult.

Sometimes, I think our society is a little backward.

Sometimes, I wish I could read minds.
And other times I'm glad I don't.

Sometimes, nothing quite hits the spot like the smell and the feel
of a freshly-sharpened, hard-wood, #2 pencil.

Sometimes, words can't quite express the right emotion.

Sometimes, I wish people all spoke the same language.
But usually, I'm glad we don't.

Sometimes, silly things make me laugh.

Sometimes, I pretend like I'm bored
but really, I just don't want to do the things I need to.

Sometimes, I fret about things,
but usually it's because I'm avoiding other problems.

Sometimes, I write strange pseudo-poetic blog posts while I'm waiting for my
audio-book to load on my computer.

Sometimes I'm too tired to sleep.
and other times, I'm too tired to be awake.

Create!!

I am loving making my own living space. I was finally able to sort through much of my STUFF, and now have significantly less STUFF, and I'm LOVING it! I feel so much more organized, even though the room isn't totally put together yet. I'm excited for school to start. Turns out, I'm back in a Linguistics class, which, while unexpected, makes me SO HAPPY. I'm so glad to be almost finished with my minor! Not even close with my major, but I love linguistics and Ling330 will be tons of fun. It'll make for a busy semester, but the Pell Grant requirements have spoken: 15 credits. So. I can do it. In order to keep room in my schedule for working out, sleeping, and "friends" (read: guy), I'll have to be uber-organized. I love the school year, and I love the feeling of creating a new start. Many a missionary friend coming home this semester, and life is moving forward. Lots to ponder: take time to just breathe.

And eat tasty, healthy, delicious food. It's good for the soul.

Love, Sabs

I'm Out...I'M BACK!

So, life has been crazy the last month or so...okay, month and a half or so...but, in my defense, it's been busy.

Since I last posted, I've thrown one bridal shower, helped with two weddings, crushed on a boy, hosted my sister and her baby, hosted my mom-other sister-brother part of the family, been to another wedding, ran pre-season practice for the plates, watched half a season of Heroes and the ENTIRE "Avatar: The Last Airbender" anime series, re-designed/sorted/fixed my wardrobe (well, almost done with that), sorted a bunch of stuff, nearly finished a finance class (I had a cute tutor...that's pretty much the only reason I am doing well in the class), started another class, got all caught up in the Wheel of Time series, crocheted a bunch of stuff, worked at the Creamery, bought my textbooks, started packing to go back to Provo, and gone to a mini-family reunion.

Plus a bunch of other random stuff. Busy, but not a whole lot to actually write about.

When I get my pictures all sorted out, I'll post some of the weddings and (I hope) a step-by-step on a centerpiece or two.

In one week, I will be back in Provo (at La Casa Picante), getting ready for marching band in earnest and doing final prep for Band Camp and school. And working. And able to walk to campus (so happy to leave the 3-mile-to-the-bus-stop walk). Also, I will have roommates. And boy(s) living within a 1-block radius. It's been an interesting (SHORT!) summer, but I'm excited for the challenge of living my own life. I can do it! I've made some discoveries about myself and attempted some lifestyle/attitude changes this summer; we'll see how well I can make it work during the pressure of the school year. I have awesome friends-- I'm sure we can make it happen! :-)

Thy Hope, Thy Confidence

Weekend, In Pictures

Provo was GORGEOUS this weekend. I had a FABULOUS time, with many good friends, good foods, good fun, and all around good times.
Thursday to Sunday, in pictures and captions.

Many bus adventures. One meets many an interesting character on the bus. Stewart, if by chance you find this post, I hope your reunion with your newly-discovered biological family went

well.

LaVell Edwards Stadium. Oh, how I love thee. Marching Band chores always make me happy. I was happy to see so many people again, and I'm SO excited for Band Camp. ^_^

Also, I love my cymbals, and I'm SO EXCITED for my cymbal section this year. Though, it should be noted that this picture is inaccurate, for Bro. Mac is ADAMANTLY against knuckle pads. LOVE ME some PLATES!

Watched "Alice in Wonderland" with a man-boy-guy-friend of mine (wow, haven't used that phrase in a while-- 327 girls, I *knew* there was a reason we invented it). It was fun; I'm not sure what I think of the movie. Not as good as I wished. But I still had...fun. :-)

Also, we had some really tasty salsa. mmmmmmm.

Started work (first shift) at the BYU Creamery Outlet, where the original Creamery used to be. It was fun; my friend Stephen works there and it was nice to have a familiar face in a new place.

We were selling delicious tarts all day in chocolate and strawberry. I really, really wanted one. Luckily for me, there were TWO chocolate ones left at the end of my shift. I was happy. I carefully selected the prettiest tart, pulled out my purse, took it to the counter...

When my friend Matthew came up behind me to startle me. He succeeded, and the nearly-perfect tart went SPLAT, all over the counter (that I had just finished cleaning). Allison chastised him and Matthew felt bad (see his face in this picture) and offered to buy me a new one. I was laughing, and told him it was perfectly alright (surprisingly, it was-- I usually feel a mild pain at the worthless destruction of beautiful food. But I decided the laughter was worth the tart). I cleaned up the counter (after all, I work there), found a new tart--not as pretty, but still chocolate-- and we went outside to talk about the life, the love, the music, and the Kung Pao Chicken. AND they gave me a ride home.

We talked more, and I got ready for my date to the Lehi Roundup. For the record, I hate rodeos. I grew up in a rodeo town, and the booze'n'smokes lifestyle, the crude jokes, the pointless yanking, tying up, poking, etcetera of animals...not a fan. But, I can honestly say that THIS rodeo was tons of fun. I liked the events, the riders were good, the booze was contained/nonexistent enough that I didn't get a headache, and the company was fantastic ^__^. AND they played "American Rider" as the Canadian Air Force came out on their motorcycles. I didn't feel dirty at the end of the show. It was great. AND I wore a super cute, totally awesome cowgirl hat.

There was a dance after the rodeo. However, we got a little lost getting there, so there was a lot of driving and talking to and from and in between. We did get to the dance, though, and it was fun, but the DJ only played hip hop, except for two songs, and we were tired. So we danced for a while, then I decided we should leave (partially because we still needed to get back to Provo).

My date was a really 'sweet' guy and we stopped for ice cream sundaes on the way back. (And dropped by my grandfather's house, which was definitely NOT on the way home, but I realized I'd forgotten some important things so we went by. Note to future self: not necessarily a good idea to bring a date to Papa's house--he's a real tease, especially late at night when he knows he won't remember the conversation in the morning). However, again, date proved to be a really sweet guy and just took it all in stride. (Thank goodness). o.o


Saturday, I worked again, then came back and started reading "Elantris," by Brandon Sanderson. SUCH a good book, so far.
I was sitting on the porch swing, drinking an Izze, when my friend called and offered to help me with finance homework. I gratefully accepted, and went over and tried to understand varied information about home mortgages. O.O

Luckily, we made really tasty fake fajitas for lunch/dinner, as well, so that helped. :-) Then, we went back to my house, where we all gathered to hear where my friend Elise is going on her mission. Indiana: Indianapolis! She gave us hints, and the first one was a line from the musical "The Music Man," from the song, "Gary, Indiana," so I knew right off it was Indiana. Actually, that was a little misleading, because Gary, Indiana is actually in the Chicago mission. Oh, well.
Then, as it was Derrick's brother's birthday, we all went to Derrick's house for cheesecake and presents. Tori and Derrick (mostly Tori) made a BEAUTIFUL, *super*tasty cheesecake, that is much prettier than this picture of cheesecake, but we didn't get a picture of the real one, so this is all I have. They put trick candles on the cake, which was especially funny, because Jared tried to light the other candles with one of the trick candles. Haha.

Then I went home, which mostly means more driving and excellent conversation. I was reminded that God definitely does have a direct hand in our lives, especially those things that mean a lot to us. He will bless us with the happiness, courage and understanding that we need for a great many things. And while the future is nearly completely unknown, and a great many things are still up in the air, it is so wonderful to know that He has it under control, that He will help us in our choices, and to be reminded that

LIFE IS GOOD!

Mine Angels Round About You

This is how we normally think of a priesthood blessing, at least I do.
Men in white shirts and ties or a suit, hands folded reverently,
eyes closed, calmly listening to the word of the Lord.

This week, my experience was much different.

I'm a little nervous to go into too much detail, because I don't want to distract from the message, but I feel like the full impact of the story is lost without some background. I feel like there's a good lesson here that needs to be heard. It's a little more personal, but here's the basic story:

I decided to visit Provo for Fast Sunday afternoon and Monday morning, because I a)missed everyone, 2)had some errands to run on campus, and C) I had no previous obligations.
After a thoroughly enjoyable Sabbath and a nice rest, I awoke Monday morning and prepared to go to the HBLL to pick up a book I've been waiting to read for MONTHS (you know how that goes). The Really Good Book that Started All This---->



On the way up Maeser Hill (south of the Benson) I suddenly had severe cramping in the left side of my chest. Now, before anybody panics, 1)I'm not dead, and b)these happen sometimes as a result of a different medical problem.
I was with my roommate. She helped me over to the grass, where I immediately sank to my knees. This cramp was worse than I'd ever had before, but I still assumed in would pass in a matter of seconds, as they usually do. I motioned my roommate to wave people on, as many had stopped to ask what was wrong. I assumed I would be fine, and I was extremely embarrassed to be causing such a scene.

After about a minute of extreme pain and next to no oxygen, I began to be concerned (and more than a little light-headed). These cramps had never lasted longer than 40 seconds, and usually only 10-15. This one had not only continued, but had become more and more painful (like, the worst Charlie Horse of your life, in your chest). I was not totally aware of what was happening outside the pain and trying to calm my muscles down, but I heard my roommate say "blessing."

I nodded, and probably babbled something or other.

She immediately looked to the paved path up the hill and saw two male students walking, presumably to class or work. I didn't see their faces. She asked if they held the priesthood, and attempted to explain the situation. I think they misunderstood at first (she first tried to explain with "muscle cramps" and they laughed, a little embarrassed. BOYS: "Muscle cramp" does not always equal "menstrual." Bah.)

She explained that it was the entire left side of my chest wall that was cramping, and that I could not breathe. I was aware enough to think "Wow, she's keeping it together really well....stupid boys."

They came quickly, and gave me a blessing. I felt bad for thinking they were "stupid boys," as I was suddenly aware that they were indeed righteous holders of the priesthood. Ruefulness at immaturity was replaced with gratitude that they were worthy, capable, and willing to give such service when I needed it.

I do not remember everything they said, as I was collapsed in on myself and trying so hard to regulate internally with an extreme lack of oxygen. But when they placed their hands on my head--me, a girl they did not know and may never see again--I felt the tightness on my lungs loosen. The pain was still there; the muscles still in tight knots that rendered me unable to move or stand--but I had air.

I felt the power of the Lord, and became aware of the things being said in the blessing. They did not know me, but the Lord does. He comforted me, both for physical pain and for other problems in my life (we all have them). I knew I would be Okay, and calm was re-affirmed in my mind and heart. It was a brief blessing, and the two students went on their way.

The pain did not subside immediately--it was many minutes before it even lessened-- but I had just enough of what I needed (calm, and air, and assistance) to get me through.

And that, wonderful friends, is the moral of the story. In my time of unanticipated, unsolvable pain, the Lord knew exactly what I needed. He sent His angels, in the form of my roommate, police and medical officers, a randomly-passing-by nursing student, and two worthy priesthood holders that I'd never seen before.

After the first crisis had passed, He knew I needed more help. Those angels came in the form of roommates and friends that assisted in transportation, came to visit, sent notes/phone calls/text messages, and provided the care I needed during my unexpectedly extended stay in Provo. I was physically incapacitated, and He not only sent me the "bare necessities" of survival, but sent friends to help comfort me and make my life so much happier during the last few days until I was able to return to Lehi.

The Lord will send us that comfort, and those tender mercies that improve our lives. The testimony was re-affirmed to me in a very physical, very see-able way. He knew I needed a re-confirmation of that testimony, and now I pass it on to you: That even when we experience trials, pain, and heartache, whether from something completely out of our control or brought upon ourselves, the Lord will give us what we need in our time of crisis. He will also send us tender mercies; little things to remind us of His love for us, and tokens of brighter days ahead.

He loves us, and He will never abandon us. He gave us access to His priesthood, and I have been so blessed to be in an area where so many worthy young men hold that priesthood and are willing to use it to help bless so many lives.

Never forget that. Never forget that He loves you.


Epilogue:To assuage any well-intentioned worries

I'm okay now; I have a really great doctor on the case with lab work and some meds. Physical therapist said life is to proceed as normal, which means I'm not an invalid, I'm just required to do some workouts and yoga-type stuff (oh, DANG ;-) ) Love you all!

Cool Guys and Dating Limbo

I know so many awesome guys. Seriously. I could make a list, titled "The Coolest Guys I've Met, Ever," and it would probably be really long. Which kind of defied the purpose of the superlative, I know, but sometimes, especially in cases like this, generalized superlatives are essentially useless.

And, with all of these amazing, coolest-guys-I've-met-ever guys around, I don't have a single one that I'm particularly interested in. Kind of weird. Not a bad thing, surely, but a little strange. I see my friends crushing on, dating, getting engaged to, and marrying quite a few of these CGIMEs, and there are quite a few CGIMEs that I look at and think "Okay, WHY are you not married?!", but none in particular that I'm interested in dating. Not that I would say no, of course, just...I don't know. It feels kind of strange. I'm not content, but nor am I mooning over one particular person, either. It feels like there's an empty space in my life, but no one quite fits in it. The sensation has been there for many years, waxing and waning at different times, but of late it merely grows stronger and stronger. It probably has a purpose, and in time I'll look back and say "Oh, THAT'S how it happens. Okay!", but it does me very little good in the short run. I love having guy friends, I love meeting people, I love going on dates with funny, cute, intelligent guys that like to have fun. I'm a huge flirt and I have a ton of fun. I definitely want to date someone; many people my age do. And yet...it's odd seeing so many of my friends pair off, or want to pair off with so-and-so, or maybe-we're-paired-off-but-I'm-not-really-sure...and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Not even a "Oh, hey, there's this guy that I want to notice me..." or anything.

And yet, the missing space grows more and more poignant.

I'm so glad today's Relief Society Lesson was on patience.

Maybe it wouldn't be so obvious if I was still associating with these friends on a regular basis. Living more or less socially isolated is not really helping the situation.

They say life's a gamble, and often make analogies to playing cards. The sharp difference is, in life, you can't just fold temporarily, then take the next round of cards. You have to just keep playing. My life is good. I just need more patience.

On a side note, people sometimes make dating much too complicated, which leads to awkwardness, which leads to damaged friendships. Sometimes, people need to just chill.
(You know, since I'm the dating expert here, as you can gather from the beginning part of this post. Probably shouldn't pay attention to me til I have a ring on my left fourth. ;-) )

Anyway. Not particularly eloquent, not looking for pity, just expressing a frustration I'm sure many people have experienced at some point.

Dionaea muscipula

I finally caved and got myself a Venus Fly Trap. Thus, the title of this post. It it so COOL! It's pretty small, but it totally defies the conventional ideas of the food chain. Love love love. I love exotic plants. My grandfather and I are putting in a greenhouse this summer; I hope to not only grow food in it, but get some non-Utah foliage. I like to sit and dream about traveling the world: the foods, the landscapes, the reptiles, the plants. And the people. And the languages. We live in such a cool place! The world is awesome, and we live in a time that lets us see PICTURES of it!! Even photos of under the ocean! Yes, many places we (and by we, I mostly mean people with money) can go to, but even places humans would never survive long term, we can get full color, high quality photos! And video! And sound clips! Aaah! This world is in a fallen state, and yet the Lord has blessed us with so much beauty and power and mystery. And now I have a little 3" by 10 centimeter piece of it, sitting on my desk, eating bugs. My life is so cool.

Also, I now have a date to the dance in June. *Yaysquee!!* ^____^ Not sure what our theme will be yet (a famous couple/pair), but it doesn't really matter. I'm so excited! This is going to be the best birthday EVER. Well, last year was great, too, but this year Eliza and Amy and Kyle and Matthew might all be there (maybe on Amy and Matthew, but for sure on the aforementioned en-gagged lovebirds), AND Caitlin (she made it super awesome last year) AND the Carlings AND the Batts AND La Casa Picante AND so many others!! **AND** I have a date. Usually a good thing, but especially as this date is with one of the coolest guys I've ever met, ever! I'll miss Emily DJing the dance, though. Meisha said she'd DJ this year, (and I'm excited for her to DJ, she has SUCH good taste in music!!) but I wish Emily was coming,too, cuz she makes parties awesome. But she went off and grad-eeated. [Are chemists naturally good DJs, or did I just end up with two abnormally cool ones?] And Amy&Ben, but they are off having summer adventures.There are obviously many a homo sapien missing this particular adventure, but they are moving on with life.

My ward is so great. My friends are awesome. I have a date with a great guy. And we're having a dance at my house.

My life is AWESOME.

As for year #22? Bring it on.

Real Adult

FRIENDS, AND FELLOW CITIZENS OF PLANET EARTH:

Never mind my license saying "UNDER 21" for the next 62 years (or Christmas, whichever comes first), I would hereby like to proclaim to the world that Sabina is, in all seriousness, a REAL ADULT, as witnessed by her shopping trip this afternoon.

What brings on such an announcement, you ask? Did she buy a house? A car? Life insurance? A hearing aid?

No, my friends, not any of those things. Not today, at least. Today, she bought groceries.

No, no alcohol, no cigarettes or other age-oriented purchases (license says "under 21," remember?). Just groceries. For those that know Sabina, you are aware that groceries in large quantities is not a rare thing for Sabina. So why today?

Because today, my friends, Sabina purchased these groceries with her very own Costco card.

That's right. Sabina Michelle is the proud owner of her very own Costco Executive Membership, complete with a cool little chic piece of black plastic, acting as a pass-card to allow her into the marvelous world of the warehouse market, to purchase items in large quantities with ease, entirely on her own.

My life is awesome.

And, this BBQ is going to ROCK.

Sabs out.

Avatar...My classes ROCK.

Classes are over for Winter semester. It's been a crazy ride; I feel like I stumbled across the finish line. But it is done. I took some of the best classes of my life this semester, with excellent results. One class project turned into a business, which turned into a coordination of life goals into a brilliant long-term business plan. A couple classes finally got me to show my more socially opinionated, passionate, and surprisingly liberal side, shocking some of the more mildly mannered SFL classmates. (everywhere else I'd be a right-leaning moderate, but here in Provo...well, I guess that is a different story).

One class brought me back to Theatre, full force. This post highlights the final of that class--beginner makeup.

I decided to use one of the Na'vi, from the new movie Avatar, as my final character. I had a lot of fun. Annalisse Booth took these pictures of it; I'm really glad she's so talented and willing to help. Also, shout out to Eliza for helping attach the long braid and color my hair, and Jason L Black for driving me all the way to Lehi for the beads and props.

I made the ears out of rubber latex, and yes, that is my real hair, and no, I'm not wearing colored contacts. The nose is putty (it's a little off in these shots because I smiled too much). The rest is a mix of creme makeup, powder makeup, and lumieres. The braid in the back is crepe hair. These were my first (and thusfar, only) attempt at the design.

It was ridiculously entertaining to walk around campus this way, and then visit various ward members (on purpose AND on accident).

<--I even got the teeth down. Yeah, it was cool.


This is a shot of the makeup in more even lighting. It's basic Na'vi skin, plus war paint over the top. The long uplink-braid is tossed over my shoulder. I await the intermediate class with eager anticipation. Who knew I'd love makeup art so much?

This bunny is super cute. As it is Easter shortly, I thought I would include a bunny in this post. As far as how bunnies got associated with Easter, there are a lot of stories, but this one seems to be the most common:

http://exoticpets.about.com/cs/rabbits/f/rabbitseaster.htm

So it really has nothing to do with the Spiritual aspect of Easter; much as Santa Claus has very little to do with Christmas.

But, bunnies are cute! :-)

Happy Easter!

You know those days when you really just need a hug?

Yeah.

The week or so has been like that. It's frustrating when the people who are "supposed" to be supporting you, can't anymore. When the problems affect everyone so deeply, you can only help each other so far. Turning to those outside of the situation doesn't substitute the needed support and love, partially because they are not aware of the depth of the problem and partially because it's simply not their place. There's really no one to turn to but the Lord.

But sometimes hugs help, anyway.

I don't normally ASK for hugs. And, if I've done it more lately, it's because I've found myself in an extremely abnormal situation. Sometimes, girl hugs just don't cut it. They remind me too much of my mom, I suppose. She hasn't been able to actually give hugs in a very long time. Guy hugs don't remind me of my dad; I've rarely hugged my dad since I was a little girl. Guy hugs are just better. Stronger, maybe? I guess they make me feel safer, and slightly less pathetic.

Slightly.

The fact that I admit to simply needing a hug at all makes me feel pathetic, to a certain degree. And asking for one is embarrassing, and mildly awkward, especially if the other person avoids me or gets awkward themselves. I am very sensitive to public embarrassment, thanks to a variety of factors. To oversimplify, I'm prideful about my ability to do things myself-- just me, and the Lord, and nobody else needs to even know about it. To anyone that knows my mother, this is a familiar story. Consequently, if I find the need for a hug to outweigh publicly embarrassing myself by actually ASKING for one, you know it's a desperate situation. If it was anything less, I'd go hug my blanket or something. Or maybe even one of my roommates (they are much better huggers than blankets).

Unfortunately for me, sometimes guys misinterpret my need for a hug. Sometimes, rather than seeing the request as a sign of trust and a call for help, they see it as a (VERY) lame attempt at flirting or something. Um. No. But apparently girls actually do that? o_O

Okay, to clear the record: If I want to flirt with you, I probably already do. My asking for a hug is NOT some pathetic, whiny, "I'm so helpless," coquettish female manipulation, trying to get you to fall in love with me or something. If that were the intent, I'd be much more smooth about it. Or much, much more blunt. :-) It's a sign of trust, and, probably, that I've run out of other options. That's not to say that trusting someone and flirting with them are mutually exclusive (nor should they be), but they are NOT the same thing. So stop fretting.

Sometimes I see Derrick and Amy and I'm a little jealous of their relationship. I used to have guy friends like that. Sometimes they developed into more than friends, but that's not the part I miss the most. I miss having someone to go to, to talk to, to listen to, to spend time with just because. Someone I felt comfortable with, that I trusted, that I didn't always feel self conscious around about their opinions of my makeup, clothes, hair, social ineptness, whatever.

It takes time for relationships like that to develop. And, most of my friends are in the stage of life that relationships like that are to be built with individuals they want to date/court/marry. As soon as it is determined that I am not one of those people, it is right that their efforts be focused elsewhere. It's not a bad thing.

But sometimes a girl just needs a hug.

On a related note, please pay attention to the following diagram, particularly #2. Misuse of this hug is a personal pet peeve. Also, #4 has been known to cause injury to either/both parties involved.

Recent Conversation and Springtime Pondering

Ofttimes we hear the phrase "Why don't boys date me?" "Why do the same few people get asked out all the time?" "Why is everyone so in love with so-and-so?" "How did SHE get a boyfriend, while I am still SINGLE?"

or, on the male end of things: "I'm asking girls on dates, but I can't seem to make it go on from there." "Why is it that the girls that I'm not attracted to, like me, and the girls I'm attracted to, like me--'as a friend, or a brother'?" "Why is it all the girls I want to date, are already dating someone else?"

And other such variations on a theme. Well, kids, here's a question for you:

How do you find someone you are attracted to, convince them that they are attracted to you, too, and then date that person?

(voice)I don't know. How DO you find someone you are attracted to, convince them that they are attracted to you, too, and then date that person?

The answer?

YOU CAN'T. First, you must BECOME the person that someone you would be attracted to would date, thus attracting someone you would be attracted to, and then each of you get up the courage to enter that relationship of your own free wills.

(voice) Well, THAT'S not an answer to the question!

Well, did I promise you an answer to the question?

All poorly written allusions aside, I honestly think many of us ask the wrong questions. People are so focused on finding someone they want to date, of finding the one-and-only that will give them their long-sought 'happily-ever-after.' Truth is, they are only your one-and-only AFTER you've committed to get married. You choose your own soulmate. We've heard all this before.

I disagree that we need to (put on your best Mia Maid Instructor voice here) "BECOME the person we want to marry." I don't know about all y'all, but I'd like to marry someone who, well...isn't me. The key is to become someone to whom our ideal would be attracted.

So, that's great. But what does that mean? That sounds suspiciously like changing myself. Aren't we supposed to be loved for who we ARE?

Absolutely. We need to be loved for who we are, not in spite of or because of any characteristics of self, but simply for the whole of it. On the flip side, though, we have an obligation to be the best version of ourself that we can. On a brilliant social comedy called "Community," a favorite character of mine, Abed, explains it this way: "Let's face it; I'm pretty adorable. I got self-esteem falling out of my butt." (friend) "Well, if you like yourself, why did you change?" (Abed): "Well, when you know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people isn't that bad."

Abed understood what many of us miss: That as long as he knew who he was, knew what he liked about himself, and kept those qualities, he was able to use that as a anchor point as he tried some new things. (Moving past the Community analogy now) As we apply this to the dating scene, we can start to ask those previous questions honestly, and actually expect answers. ("Why" questions are often statements in disguise rather than actual questions).

My "homework break" time is running out, but a few thoughts to consider (and will probably be expounded upon later):

--Dating is often about first impressions, and the initial contact people have with you. How close is your appearance (both physical and manner of conduct) to who you really are on the inside? If you come off as harsh or bullying and on the inside you're a marshmallow, are you accurately portraying yourself? Think of the person you want to attract. What are THEY looking for? Are you giving off that kind of image?

--Are you aware of social norms? You don't have to FOLLOW them, necessarily, but it helps to be aware of what's going on.

--don't fret about the situation. As a friend of mine put it once, "It's only a matter of yes, or no." For example: "Do I like her? (yes.) Does she like me? ('maybe' is not an answer-- it's merely saying you don't know the answer yet. So, "answer unknown") Should I ask her out? (yes) Will I ask her out? (if yes, then do it. If 'no', then move on)."
First date went well? Great. Now it's "Did I have enough fun to try this again? (yes--repeat above process; no--move on)."
It's really that simple. It gets a little tougher when it's "Do I like her? (yes) Does she like me? (no)." The only way to get things working again is to change one of the answers. It's a lot easier to change yourself then to change them, but that doesn't always mean changing your answer to "no." Sometimes that means understanding yourself enough, and wanting them enough, to critically analyze yourself and make some changes, in an attempt that their answer will then be "yes."
**This can be dangerous for those not grounded; however, if the changes are good ones, that make you a better person (as they should be, otherwise the person you are trying to date isn't worth it) it doesn't really matter if the relationship works out. You've been left a better person, and better able to attract you future spouse!

The fretting comes when a) we don't know the answers to the basic yes/no questions; 2)we try to figure out the answers ourselves and/or convince ourselves that it's one or the other without actually knowing; c) we aren't grounded enough/willing enough to refine ourselves into the person we know we COULD be; or 4) Some variation of the above problems.

Now, I'm not saying these are the only reasons people don't date, I'm simply saying they are common ones.

More later.

I wrote this back in the day during a "poetry war" with a friend. I'd never written a sestina. This was one of the later poems, chastising Andon for writing the same meaningless 'trash-talk' in all of his war-poems.

A Sestina: On Writing Poetry
A form is but a package for a poem
It holds no message, taken on its own.
And if one studies poems of the masters
He’ll find, at once, his fallacy is shown-
That his poems, though quite craftily written
Are naught but silly words and haughty tone!

Rhythm, rhyme, and meter—also tone—
All contribute greatly to a poem
But when that poem’s begging to be written
These tools alone cannot make it your own
If only skills with these functions are shown
It makes us ask: “Are you really a master

Of the pen? For, actually, a master
Would possess much more than witty tone--
A message or a story might have shone
Through the words that constructed the poem.
And as he wrote it, he would have to own
That the inspiration sparking what he’d written

Came from somewhere else. And when he’d written
Something worthy of his name, a master
Then would realize that he’ll never own
Anything about it, save the rhyme, rhythm, and tone.
And thus we see the paradox of poems--
In each, the writer’s weakness always shown.

But if, by some sweet chance, there is more shown
Inside that lovely work, so carefully written,
Than shows itself in any other poem
Then, perchance, the writer may have mastered
A piece of himself. Then, he starts to tone
That little piece, until he finally owns

All of himself. And in this quest to own
He finds more of his weaknesses are shown
And then restarts the battle, using rhythm, rhyme, and tone.
And as he looks o’er all the works he’s written
Though this life, he knows he’ll never master
That art that some great ancient called the “Poem."

I hope, throughout this poem, I have written
Something worthy to be shown a master,
And not simply my own sarcastic poem.


I think the main idea presented here--that poetry must be more than merely words plugged into a formula, that there must be meaning somehow, and that that meaning is often inspired from elsewhere--can apply to life on a more general level.

We can't just go through the motions. Even if those motions are exactly what they "should" be, following and exact "form" of what is expected of us-- even if that is the case, they mean less unless some kind of meaning or purpose is established.

The key, I suppose, lies in analysis--and action.

Hedgehogs and Heartsmiles

As I'm sitting here waiting for BYU's server to not be quite as overloaded, I decided I needed some happy so I looked up pictures of hedgehogs.

I LOVE hedgehogs.

They are naturally curious creatures, and they like to lick things and sniff things. They love to run and explore.

<---Generally harmless... ...and who can resist that FACE? ---->







Oh, dear. What would I do without Google Images when hugs are needed and none to be found?

I used to have 3 hedgehogs. Well, we had 3, then I thought they were lonely and so I taught them how to climb over the walls of their separate cages. Then, we had 11 hedgehogs. They were super super cute. We sold the babies, so then we had 3 again.

I miss them. Max, Petunia, and Nancy.

They weren't very good huggers--one needs arms for such things--but they could always make my heart smile.

<3

Just saw Sister Jamilee Lords off on her mission to Cape Verde. So excited for her! It got me thinking about my future again. Since the last time us girls had gotten together, Story has had a baby, Amanda got married, Jamilee got her mission call and essentially engaged--Jeff's waiting for her and she has a ring on her finger--and I've got...a haircut.

Awesome. :-)

Sometimes I feel like I'm running as hard as a can...on a hamster wheel. I'm just not going anywhere. Then I realize a better analogy is probably more like revving the engine of a car. Using tons of fuel and making noise, but not actually moving. I feel the tension though. I know life is going to move forward quickly, and I'm grateful for the preparation time the Lord has given me.

I need to focus. I need to remain diligent. I need to be confident in the progression I can make in school and toward motherhood.

Also, I love this campus. I love the people I've come in contact with, I love the opportunities presented to me, I love the gardens and the architecture and the friends and the boys and the languages and the art and the guitars and the dinner group and the porch swing at my house. I also know that I will love wherever I am just as much as I love it here. I wish I was a better student. I'm working on it, as I am working on many things. The most important thing here is to learn how to learn. There are things I will need to know and experiences I need to have in order to fulfill my mission here.

I wish I had greater skill, more time, and greater confidence, particularly when it comes to dating. I am an awesome person, I'm going to make a dang good wife and an amazing mother. Might even make a decent girlfriend again. Issue is, I need to A) work on my "PR" 2)Make my outer image match more closely with who I actually am and C)stop falling for guys who are leaving and/or completely not interested! Gaah! Why do I do this to myself? *dramatic sigh*

I'm so excited for my new goals. Wish I had some more time in the semester to make them happen, but life doesn't end with the school year.

I love my friends. I am so blessed to have them in my life. I seriously live the high life--money to buy healthy food, a good house, the Gospel, good friends, good family, a computer, a phone, a membership at a gym (LOVE!), awesome hair, great classes at an excellent university, drum line, and a plethora of talents and abilities that will get me through this life with as much joy as heavenly possible. The Lord has blessed me so much.